We live on a cow farm. One of the calves is named Gabby. My 9yo told me, “if she ever gets anxiety, they’d have to give her…

They told me that if I keep up what I'm doing they'll take me on a waterboarding trip to Guantanamo Bay. So excited!

That’s right, he pulled a hat out of a rabbit!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .You're an airy tracked confection.

Frustrated, the conductor sarcastically says, "if a musician is too dumb to play any instrument, they give him two sticks and make him the drummer." The drummer then answers, "true, and if he is too dumb to do even that, they take one of the sticks away and make him the conductor."

She never saw it coming.

i’ve asked for it to stop pecan on me.

Nervous stairs.

With all the new tariffs they can no longer afford French kissing.

Found this odd gem in an ancient text file. Haven't seen it anywhere else! A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs. Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?" The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber."

A Dentured servant